Fear

There’s this endless sensation in the centre of my heart of wanting complete, absolute, wild freedom, and at the same time, a bottomless pit of despair for having to part with the known into the vast terrain of the unknown.

When I breathe into the depths of silence, I can hear what is concealed behind the walls of doing, in the vast waters of being, of Soul.

There, I can feel a known companion that has been with me ever since I can remember: fear. The fear of the inevitability of impermanence.

Paradoxically, while in a state of meditation the other night, playing into Her dance, She showed me something, revealed something to me. I was looking back consciously into memories of my past where I felt strong, fierce, courageous, brave. Feeling it in my veins and my bones, in my cells and in my breath. And there it was. Underneath all that fierce strength, lied dormant my companion, fear. It’s always there, it has always been there, not stopping me, as my mind wanted me to think, but pushing me forwards, sustaining my ability to discern when to fight and when to let go and surrender.

In a second that felt like eternity I integrated this knowledge, I instantly knew not to run away again from fear, but to embrace it, as my underlying superpower.

I had a moment of great realisation, even after almost 20 years of practice I am grateful there are new messages coming through, there will always be new messages if I just allow them to come through.

This knowledge is definitely devotion. Thank you Durga-Kali-Chandi for having always held space for fierce compassion and love. I now understand the voice of my soul in a new light.

Jai Mā! 🔻🔱🔥